Why You Shouldn’t Worry About Behavior at Your Photo Session

We have all been there.

You’ve chosen the perfect outfits, you’ve found the perfect photographer, you’ve told your kids how much this means to you, you’ve promised them a treat if they behave, but you just know that your daughter will not be able to keep her shoes and socks on her feet and your son will be full of the wiggles. You’re worried that someone will have a meltdown in the middle of the session, and that someone else will not cooperate no matter how much you try to correct or incentivize behavior. You want everything to go smoothly, but you’re not sure how anyone is going to pull off this miracle. I’m here to tell you you need to stop worrying about your child(ren)’s behavior because authentic, beautiful connection happens when we let go and just enjoy our kids for the people they are.

*Disclaimer: The children in the following session were wonderful and behaved exactly how I wanted them to.

It all starts with the experience!

Why is the experience so important? Because with anything you put your money into, if the experience isn’t enjoyable, you won’t come back! That is why it is so important to start the experience off right from the get go. I was a preschool, elementary, and middle school teacher decades before my photography calling ever whispered in my ear. Just as a classroom experience starts as soon as kids walk into the room and are greeted by their teacher, photo sessions start the minute you arrive on location and are greeted in the parking lot by the photographer. These critical first moments set the stage for the rest of the session.

I like to start with my cameras at my side, giving all my initial attention to mom, and dad first, and then I greet every child at their level. If the kids are little, we start with high fives, lots of smiles, and some easy get-to-know you questions. If they are a little older, I try to genuinely connect through light, fun questions (nothing that puts them on the spot or puts pressure on them). By starting with light conversation, we build the like, know, trust factor with kids and this is HUGE. By taking the time to get to know each child a little bit upon first contact, we start to build the bond that leads to connected, loving, beautiful images.

The next stage of the experience is to get the traditional poses out of the way first. You know the ones; the stiff, posed, everyone look at the camera and say “cheese” for Grandma shots. Why do we do these instead of peppering traditional poses throughout the session? Because I know that the attention span of kids can be short at best. When we start with the traditional poses, when kids are fresh and still a little shy, we get the these knocked out quickly and the rest of the session is for the fun pictures.

During session, I ask parents not to discipline children. Disciplining during a photo session almost always ends in tears and frustration. Instead, focus on your connection with your child. Be playful and loving, connected and calm. I will set all the poses up, positioning mom and dad first, so that everyone knows exactly what is expected of them. Then, I pose kids according to age, posing the youngest last. This is all intentional. If your child doesn’t want to be a part of a pose and wants to pick dandelions instead, let them. I will focus on the pose without that child and get the images I need with members of the family that are interested. Eventually, your child will make their way back to the family pose because they don’t want to be left out. And then we joyfully include them, making them now the center of the pose. Easy.

Additionally, it is important to give young kids lots of breaks. Let them play with daisies or meander in the field close to us. We shift gears with whomever needs to move or take a break from the session. Don’t stress over a child’s individual behaviors. Kids will be, well kids! That’s the one constant that we can always depend on. And it’s important to let them be themselves, because children thrive in environments where they can be free, have fun, and feel safe and loved. This approach works every time and always lends itself to beautiful, connected loving photos.

Want more information about how to prepare for your family photo session? Check out this blog post: How to Prepare for your Family Photo Session.

Location, Location, Location!

The next important consideration is choosing a location that allows your kids to be themselves. If you have an active child that loves to run a lot, the beach or a grassy field are great locations to choose from. If you have a child that won’t keep their clothes on and loves the water, then lake or beachfront are good choices. If you have a child who is neuro-diverse and has sensory issues, a quieter location free from lots of people and environmental noise might be best. The locations I have selected for each session provide for a lot of scene changes (different terrains in one location), are safe and open, so children can wander a little bit without worry, and provide for a lot of movement because kids need to move!

At our session, we will have a lot of opportunities to:

Play
Snuggle
Take breaks
Have a snack, because a hangry kid is an uncooperative kid
And focus being in the moment, soaking up all the joy of your beautiful family

So choose your location based on your children’s needs, as well as one that represents you as a family. One of my favorite parks is Juanita Bay Park in Kirkland WA. Check out this blog post to see why: Favorite Park: Juanita Bay.

Sometimes, Shenanigans are fun!

Okay, most of the time Shenanigans are fun! As you can see from my family session portfolio, I love it when kids have a blast at my sessions. I work hard to for those authentic reactions, because pure, unadulterated laughter is my favorite thing to capture. So during our session, I may ask your kids (and you) to do the following:

Raspberries
Stick tongues out
Tickle fights
Kid sandwich
Check for boogers
Tag
And much more

My main goal is to make your photo session fun because I want you to come back. I want your kids to look forward to their sessions. I want you to love the connection captured when all you have to do is focus on how much you love your people.

So in short, let go. Allow the expert to take the reins and guide you and your family into connected posing with ease. Leave the discipline at home, and let your kids explore, touch, experience the joy of being out in the fresh air with the people that love them most. Put your mind at ease knowing that you just need to show up, be open to guidance, and love your people.

Special Considerations:

Neurodiverse children need special considerations. As an educator that works with neurodiverse students, it is important that I meet everyone where they are at. Let me know what your kids respond to and what they don’t respond to. Pay attention to cognitive readiness. A two-year old will become overwhelmed quickly without breaks, so allow toddlers to wander with an older sibling or partner when they start to show signs of fatigue or frustration. And make sure that each child’s emotional state is well reglated. We do this by making sure all basic needs are met. Are they hungry, give them a snack. Are they sleepy, let them cuddle in. Are they frustrated? What do they need that they aren’t getting? An hour is plenty of time to meet the needs of everyone with plenty of breaks in between. Don’t worry. We’ve got this and I’ve got you!

If you still have unanswered questions, follow the link to my FAQ page, or send me a message through email or social media. And don’t forget to sign up for my newsletter. I’m here and I’d love to chat about your family needs.

xoxo, Katie

What if My Kids Don't Behave? - Seattle Portrait Photographer